how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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