I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
