I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I AM VODKA MAN
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
