The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
nutella sex= disaster
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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