I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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