I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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