So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
