he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
