I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
