The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
