She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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