I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
