i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
