Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
