Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
