He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
