conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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