if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
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