There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
