Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
