Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
2020 sucks, I want a refund
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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