I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
