i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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