I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
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