I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Randomize
