Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
