i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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