Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
