But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
