I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
