i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
