Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
