i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
