Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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