Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
