I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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