I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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