$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
