I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
