Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
