420 ftw
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
