You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
