First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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