i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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