So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
