I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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