i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
