What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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