The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
My cat gives me a boner
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Randomize
