my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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